is your mom at the bar?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
