Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
