I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
