I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
