i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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