youre lurking in front of me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
