do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize