I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
