Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
