Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
