Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize