a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
