You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
