Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
