Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
