Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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