i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
last night I used snow as a chaser
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
