you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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