Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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