don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
