every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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