the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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