I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
