and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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