I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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