tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
only you would photoshop your dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
