Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
