a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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