Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We smell like vodka and hangover
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