As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
