Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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