thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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