Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
