if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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