i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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