we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
