I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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