Sry I called you an 8
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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