I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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