Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
