what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize