i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
