Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
