i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
