i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
