OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
