I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
