dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
