pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
