I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
