My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
