she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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