no, he came in my armpit
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
