Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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