: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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