How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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