last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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