Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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