fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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