ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
