Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
