Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
