I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
