the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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