So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
