Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
