It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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