piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
