Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
