please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
