one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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