got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
