i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
