dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
